Confetti Diamonds
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010
What do you think of my poem?
Please tell me your honest opinion on this poem I am writing for school (I am in Year 8). I really need to know whether it is good or not!
A glittering blanket of snow,
Draped over the world by night,
Now it is morning, and the first watery beams of light,
Highlight diamonds clasped in the snow.
Naked trees border the horizon,
Dark, shadowy figures,
Icy branches encrusted with jewels,
Frozen in the night.
Meandering down from the sky,
Pearly confetti,
Snowflakes dust the ground,
With a sugar-white frosting.
All in the world seems dormant,
Sounds of modern times scarce,
What silence and peace snow brings,
Washing the world clean.
Could you tell me why you think it is good/bad and what I can do to improve it.
Thank you in advance!
Nice!
Very descriptive, you’ve used lots of good vocabulary. I also like the way you’ve described things in so much detail and made it appeal to your 5 senses (sounds of modern times… frozen in the night, silence and peace, naked trees border the horizon…)
One tiny tiny tiny thing I would say is that your rhyming pattern is a little confusing. This is because when you read the 1st verse, you think the 1st and last lines rhyme like the 3rd and 4th because you have used snow twice.
Well done 
I would never have been able to write that in Y8.
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